Living Water is Available to All

I wrote this for my preaching class at Princeton Theological Seminary and I preached it this week. I wrote it with my classmates in mind, but it is a message for everyone to hear.

The scripture is John 4:1-26

When I was nine years old, I went to an annual family church camp that we went to every summer. One afternoon I was hanging out with some slightly older kids at the camp. The only reason I clearly remember my age is because the older kids wanted to go on a walk without me, so they told me that only people who were double digits in age could go on that particular walk. I was disappointed. I remember thinking, "But I will turn 10 in two months," as they went walking away and I was left out of a cool adventure: Going to the railroad tracks to throw rocks. I was outcasted because of something so trivial as my age, something I couldn't change about myself.

Often times I feel that is how the church feels to outcasts in our communities, even if we try to deny it. We say everyone is welcomed, but really is everyone welcomed at our churches? Would the town outcast be welcomed at your church like any other person? How would we end up acting if a woman, who reeks of cat odors, comes in for the 11 o'clock service? Would we give her the same time or attention that we give the matriarch of the family who comes to church each Sunday and sit in the fifth bench? Do we openly invite these people in and offer them grace?

In the scripture, we just heard, Jesus shows us what it means to really invite someone into the church. He offers grace and the Living water to a Samaritan woman. She is an outcast and we do not exactly know why she is an outcast. But she is at the well at a rather unusual time. We know that she has had many husbands, so that may be a reason. Maybe this town was her husbands' family town and the family despises her now that her husbands are gone. Let just say dealing with in-laws is not always easy, right? Whatever happened to her, it is clear that she is not part of the in-crowd in this small town. She has internalized this: Why would anyone want to have anything to do with me, much less a stranger hanging out by the well?

This Lenten season I have devoted myself to writing about my anger and with the source of this anger. Through therapy over the last year, I have found out that I have had a lot of anger towards God and Christianity. Growing up I was picked on by Christians and saw others being picked on by Christians. "Why did God let this happen?" I thought. Their actions didn't look like God's Love to me. I started to internalize the taunts and the mistreatment I faced. I thought that God hated me and gave me this impediment for some sort of misdeed I did in a past life. Why else would God give me a speech impairment? Why else would God do this to a kid? I remember crying at night when I was young and saying, "Why me? Why God?" just wanting a clear answer yet never receiving one. I felt like the Samaritan woman at the well. I felt outcasted.

In the last year, I have realized that, even through the painful times, God was/is always with me. I stand here today bringing the word of the Lord by God's grace alone. There were times, I thought about leaving the faith. During these dark times, I doubted myself and what I had to offer the world. There were times when I couldn't feel loved by anyone, but now I know that God and my family always loved me. They all loved me even when I was a difficult person to be around, in the midst of an angry rage. When I felt alone, the Living Water was still available to me. God did not give up on me because, like the woman at the well, I did not immediately understand what God was offering me through Jesus. God was still there when I decided to come back and accept what was being offered to me. Now I do not wonder why I am the way I am. I see my life as a gift, not a daily burden. I have stumbled along the path to God, but God has always been waiting to receive me.

Jesus shows us that the living water is available to all that seek, to all despite who they are, even if they are an outcast or feel outcasted. Before this scene in the Gospel of John, Jesus had only encountered other Jews and the disciples did not fully grasp how far Jesus' grace extended. After this scene with the woman at the well, the disciples are surprised, "What are you doing, Jesus, with that woman? We went to get some meat and now you are talking to an outcast?" Jesus was showing them and is showing us through His actions that Love, Grace, and the Living Water are available to all, not just a select group at a select time. It is available to people we meet in everyday life, whether it is in a church, at a well, on the street, or in the check-out line, even if they are the worst sinner. If they ask for forgiveness or the Living Water, it is always available to them. Even if they do not understand at first, what is being offered, it is still available to them. Jesus could have left the woman at the well after her first misunderstanding by saying, "I give up! Bye! That was your only chance." But Jesus does not give up, He remains there with the woman in her time of need and continues to offer a new path for her. God has offered us that same thing time and time again. Do we have that kind of patience for others?

That is the good news! The Living Water is always available to anyone who thirst, anyone, despite their pasts, despite our misdeeds. Although our churches can often function like a social clique, where only certain people are welcomed, we can change this. We can reform the church with our leadership saying that anyone and everyone is welcomed. We can choose to treat everyone like they are a child of God. Jesus shows us in the Gospel of John that the Living Water is open to all, who thirst, not just the privileged, or the morally righteous or even the people whose ages are in the double digits.

In our future lives we need to be asking ourselves: How can we spread this vital message in our ministries? How can we change our churches to better reflect Jesus' message at the well, that everyone is welcomed for a drink, no matter what. The church needs to make this change and we are the ones God have called to this path. If we allow ourselves to be God's implement, God will use us to continue offering the Living Water to everyone who wants it. Just as Jesus sends out the Samaritan woman to go tell all about what happened at the well, God is sending us out to tell all about God's love and forgiveness that is available to anyone.

Are we ready for this challenge?

Giving Up Anger for Lent

For Lent I am giving up my anger.

Not a lot of people know about my anger because I have tried to keep it hidden from most people, but my closest friends, family and housemates have seen my anger side. For years I thought my anger came out of my social justice work and seeing  the inequalities in the world.

After working with my therapist for more than a year, I finally realize that the anger comes out of a self-hate. This self-hate has developed over the years due to growing up with a speech impediment and feeling less than equal. I remember crying to my mom when I was young and asking, "Why did God do this to me? Why me?"

I have always known that my family and my faith community love me for who I am, but I spent most of my time out in the world where any slight differences were good enough reasons to be bullied, treated differently, or to be largely ignored. After years of this painful treatment and feeling less than whole, I internalized this hate and started to see myself as not being whole. I would wake up in the morning hating myself and thought that I had to do other things to make myself lovable. This has led me to undertake a lot of different kinds of work to prove that I am worthy of love and respect.

But in the last year, with the support of Jenn, my fiance, and my therapist, I have finally gotten to a point in my life when I recognize that I am a whole human being and that I am deserving of love and respect because of being a person and not because of what I do or do not do.

In this season of Lent, which I am doing in solidarity with my fellow Christians*, I will focus on writing more about my trauma and on loving myself more. I hope that my writing can lead to more personal healing. In the future I hope to produce materials to help youth living with disabilities and their families through the challenges of growing up in a world that is not always accepting of differences. Also, during this Lenten season, I hope to further internalize self-love to rid myself of the self-hate that has plagued my life.  

*Quakers historically do not celebrate holidays because we believe that every day is a holy day. In the last 100 years Quakers have started to celebrate holidays and more and more Quakers are observing Lent, but we do not have any special commeration for the Lenten season as a denomination.

Lets Face It Quakers are Unique, and Other Denominations are too

I consider myself an ecumenical Quaker.

Why?

I am a lifelong Friend, who goes to a Presbyterian Seminary. Last summer, I interned at an United Methodist Church where I still am involved with the youth group during the school year. This school year I am working at the Episcopal Campus Ministry on the Rutgers University campus. I attend meeting for worship twice a week: On Tuesday nights at Canal Friends Worship Group and on Sunday mornings at Princeton Friends Meeting.

On an average week, I go to two meetings for worship, celebrate the Eucharist with college students, attend Chapel at the Seminary, and spend time with the youth at the United Methodist Church.

I made the decision to go to Princeton Theological Seminary because I wanted to see what the wider Christian world has to offer Quakers and I wanted to see if all denominations were just as dysfunctional as Quakers. I can happily report that the wider Christian world has lots to offer Quakers and yes, they can be just as dysfunctional as any monthly meeting. (Too bad sometimes I thought we took dysfunctional to a new level, but now I see that we have stiff competition.)

When I came here to learn more about the wider Christian world, I realized that people are interested in learning more about Quakers and what we have to offer other denominations. I have had several meal time conversations with fellow students. Several seminarians have attended Princeton Friends Meeting. A local hospitality house has asked me to come to talk about Quakers. My supervisor this year is interested in having me talk about silence at some point during Lent to the college students at Rutgers. Even at parties away from my seminary community, people want to know more about Quakers when they find out I am one.

We have a lot to offer the world, especially in the midst of daily chaos, 24 hour news cycle, smaller and smaller technological devices. How can we still hear the voice of God in the midst of all this noise and clutter? How can we be comfortable and even live into the silence?

Also the belief that anyone can be called to minister is still radical 350 years later. I have dear friends in the Catholic Church who are struggling for Women's Ordination. Also, I just met a woman, who was talking to her non-denomination church about being ordained. It has taken a year but she is finally making progress with her church and pastor to be the first woman ordained in her church. Being ordained will help her in finding a job as a hospital chaplain. Our pulpit is always open to anyone who feels led and our structures allow ways to nurture ministers and new ministries, if we choose to follow them.

We Quakers have a lot to learn from other traditions. We can learn about what it means to support young people with paid staff and offer opportunities for them. We can learn how to better support our elders as they age. We can learn that talking about our faith in public is not always bad. We can learn better techniques at letting people know we still exist and how to greet and welcome newcomers. Some monthly meetings do this well, but, based on my opinion, a lot do not. I have been particularly impressed by the United Methodist Lay Leader program.

Quakerism is an unique faith and we have a lot to offer our siblings in other denominations. We can also learn a lot from them too.

Some Quaker History

This semester I am trying to fit more Quaker history into my course work. I just picked up a book, Remember the Distance that Divides Us, edited by Marcia J. Heringa Mason, from Princeton University's Firestone Library for a project. The book is based on letters of a Philadelphia Quaker abolitionist and Michigan pioneer Elizabeth Margaret Chandler.

While flipping through the book, I saw a poem that Elizabeth wrote about Anthony Benezet, whose 300th birthday happens to be today. Anthony Benezet was a French-born American abolitionist, educator, and a Quaker.

So I figured I would share it here:

Anthony Benezet
by Elizabeth Chandler

Friend of the Afric! Friend of the oppress'd!
            Thou who wert cradled in a far-off clime,
Where bigotry and tyranny unbless'd,
            With gory hand defaced the page of time;
Wert thou forth driven by their stern control,
             An infant fugitive across the deep,
To teach, in after years, thy pitying soul
            O'er all the Afric's causeless wrongs to weep
Where slavery's bitter tears the flag of freedom steep?

And thou didst nobly plead for them; thy heart.
           Thrilling to all the holy sympathies,
Of natural brotherhood, wept, to see the mart
           Of commerce, with its human merchandize,
So crowded and polluted, and thy voice,
           With the clear trumpet tones of God's own word,
Rang through the guilty crowd, until no choice
           Was left them but to tremble as they heard,
Or bind with treble seal the feelings thou hadst stirr'd.

The ears of princes heard thee; and the wise,
           Touch'd by the mastery of thy earnestness,
Bade their train'd spirits for a while to rise
           From their profound research, and learn to bless
Thy generous efforts, and with kindred zeal,
           Led on by thee in duty's path to move;
And kindled by thy sacred ardour, feel,
           Like thee, that overflowing gush of love,
That lifts man's selfish heart all narrow thoughts above.

The fetters of the slave are still unbroken;
           But there will come, perchance, ere long, a day,
When by their lips who wrong'd him, shall be spoken
           The fiat of his freedom;--and the ray
Of intellectual light shall radiance pour
            On minds o'er which the gloom of darkness hung
In treble folds impervious before,
            By tyrants' hands around them rudely flung,
To bind the chains that to both limb and spirit clung.

Then shall their children learn to speak thy name,
             With the full heart of gratitude, and know
What thou hast done for them; and while they frame
That history for their infants' ears, may grow
             Perchance, in their own hearts, the likeness strong
Of they bright virtues; so thou still shalt be,
Even in thy sepulchre, their friend;--and long
              Shall those who love mankind, remember thee,
Thou noble friend of those who pined in slavery.

Happy Birthday Anthony Benezet!

The Need for Eldering

Last week I wrote about where I see hope among Quakers today. Let me be clear that was only a partial list of the good news and I was primarily focusing on YAFs because I have read and heard YAFs talk about their negative experiences of not being supportive. With the post I did not want to diminish these concerns, but I do not think that is the only storyline out there about the current state of YAFs. But that is the only storyline I see being repeated over and over.

With that being said, I do have a concern about the current state of Quakerism: Our lack of effective eldering (that is, eldering that is spiritual-led and not personal attacks).

We need eldering again. We need people to be elders. We need people who are willing to be eldered.

We need Quaker meetings/churches to be a guide for ministers and a nurturing place for them, but also a place for people in ministry to be challenged and held accountable. I do not see this happening a lot and I, for one, have ran away from eldering on several occasions.

I have held this concern for a while, but I have not written about it yet because I do not have any concrete ideas on how to get to that point. But I feel like I needed to write this post anyways.

Overall, I do not think ministry happens just because of one person or a small group. I do not believe if the one person or group does not act or is not adequately supported, that ministry will disappear forever into the abyss. I know this because I have seen this happen a couple times where people independently feel led towards a particular ministry. Sometimes they join together and work towards this common vision. Sometimes only one or two goes forward with the ministry while others find other callings.

I want to share a personal story about not following a leading. After the last YouthQuake in 2004 (a triennial event that bought together teens and younger young adults from all kinds of Quakerism), I was pumped to have an event for Young Adult Friends across the divide and hold it during the summer at Earlham College. I even gathered together some traveling Quakers in a room to talk about this idea and to gather their opinions about this kind of event. I had found someone else to join me in this work. But it never got off the ground.

But this event still happened about four years later in May 2008 and the people who ultimately organized the conference were not in that room when I shared my idea. I did not feel called or I was not ready to take on the leading, but that energy was not lost because I did not stand up to follow. I am glad others did. It was a great conference. In the future, I hope I can stand up and follow a leading that others had, but, for some reason, they couldn't follow through.

God works in mysterious ways and being in ministry is about being faithful to God and to your own self. But also ministry is also about the community and is larger than one person or a handful of people. I am wary of ministries being focused on the glorification of an individual or a small group. Ministries are a way to live out God's Kingdom here and to show people to see what is possible through God.

This lead me to offer some queries rather than solutions:
How can ministers ground themselves into monthly meetings/churches?
How can monthly meetings/churches hold ministers accountable and ask difficult questions?
How can ministers hear these difficult questions and not feel personally attacked?

I have more questions than answers on this subject, but I am clear that Quakers need eldering again.

Bringing the Good News about the Current State of Quakerism

This summer, I preached three times at the church where I was interning. Part of sermon writing is to bring the good news at the end of the sermon that let people know that Christ loves them and to point out the good in our world that sometimes look like anything but good.

Over the past few months, I have read blog posts about how Quakerism is dying, no one is supporting Young Adult Friends' ministry, etc... I think these points do have a point, but I don't see it as that as the only point. I have seen several instances of Young Adult Friends being supported by the wider community and I believe that we are growing.

Here is some of the good news:

• New York YM Young Adult Friends Field Secretary Gabi just wrote a post about her travels among Young Adults Friends in New York and New Jersey in the past six months. She has been busy attending to the needs of Young Adults there.

• Christina has been carrying a leading since 2002 about a Quaker yearlong service program. She followed the leading and others joined her along the way. She was supportive by Friends all over and by her home meeting.  In August her leading came into reality when seven Young Adult Friends arrived in Atlanta to begin a yearlong internship with Quaker Voluntary Service. The leading is still growing. Houses will open in Philadelphia and Portland, Oregon next August too. And it will not stop there... People are energized about bringing this explicitly Quaker program to their community and our dream (Currently I serve on the board) is to keep growing a network of houses. 

• In Portland, two Evangelical Friends churches and an unprogrammed meeting have joined together to support the new QVS house there. That is amazing and exciting to see the branches working together!

• Another Young Adult Friend, Ana, followed a leading to create a Quaker summer camp in the Intermountain Yearly Meeting region. She worked for several summers at different Quaker summer camps and visited others. She and her partner, Ariel, have shared their vision with Friends across the Southwest. The camp, Mountain Friends Camp, has been going three years now and it keeps growing each summer. 

• An unprogrammed Young Adult Friend, Zachary, was led into Navy chaplaincy. He is currently serving in the Navy under the care of an Evangelical Friends church, who have taken him in and supported him in his ministry. Next month he will speak at a Convergent Friends gathering in the Northwest, A Nursery of Truth. I wish I could go. Hopefully others can go!

• Friends General Conference just started the New Meetings Project. The coordinator, Brent, has found that more than 70 Friends worship groups/meetings/church have started in the last ten years. That translates to one new group starting roughly every seven weeks. I have been to several of these new groups and they have a great sense of community.

• I am a big proponent of online outreach, but two of these new meetings, West Philadelphia Worship Group and Silver River Meeting, do not have an online presence. They grow because of the community they have created. They see each other throughout the week in between meetings for worship and are deeply connected to each other lives. How can we grow to know each other outside of worship? 

Lastly, God loves us for the imperfect human beings we are.

These are just a few examples I know of and why I have not lost all hope in my faith community.

Yes, there is a lot to be sad about with Friends today, but I don't see it as just doom and gloom. I am having conversations with Friends all over about a whole range of topics and I am excited. Yes we have a lot of divisions, but amazing conversations and projects are starting!

Where do you see hope in the world of Friends today?

Questions I am Struggling with on Black Friday

I wanted to write something about Black Friday, but as I sit here and think, only questions come to mind. I am myself absorbed in the consumerism culture, not detached as I would hope I could be. Even through I won't shop today, I will shop other days and I will still continue to benefit from others' cheap labors.

As a person studying for living a life in ministry, often I feel the need to have the answers, to have it all figured out. But most of the time I stumble my way through, trusting on God to lead me. I am not divine, instead I am a human who makes errors every day, who is just trying to be faithful to a leading despite my shortcomings.

Sometimes I feel that all I have to offer others are the questions that I struggle with.

So...  Here are the questions I am struggling with today:

Why do I celebrate Jesus' birthday while bowing down to another god, Consumerism?

Why do I  benefit off of other people's cheap labor, when I wouldn't work for that same wage or under similar conditions?

Why do I find it easier to say my feelings through material gifts, instead of words?

How can I balance my desire for a stable life with my desire to stand in solidarity with others, who are abused by a system that favors cheap goods over their lives?

How can I live more deeply into these questions and not look for immediate, feel-good answers?

What questions are you struggling with today?